After dedicating 40 years to my career, with 27 of those years at the University of Maryland, I thought retiring would be straightforward—after all, my professional specialty was managing transitions for the elderly.
However, my hopes for a smooth and joyful retirement quickly evaporated.
In hindsight, I made two significant errors. Firstly, my husband and I chose to relocate in the same year we both retired. With my expertise in transitions, I should have foreseen that handling two major life changes at once could lead to disruption.
Secondly, I mistakenly assumed that local nonprofits would be eager to hire me as a consultant. I was wrong. Instead, they wanted me to serve on their boards and assist in fundraising, a role that held no interest for me.
My life felt completely disoriented—I was unsure what to write on my business card, unclear about my future goals, and I felt my significance fading.
Whenever I find myself struggling, my instinct is to seek more knowledge. So, I started to interview various retirees, including those living in mobile home parks and participants in community centers, and organizations like the World Bank. I quickly learned that my feelings were not unique.
A retired military officer I spoke with expressed, “I no longer feel relevant.” He described his retirement from the Washington D.C. police force as leaving with nothing more than a brief handshake after 25 years of service.
Another interviewee, Myrtle May, a devoted baby nurse, was forced into retirement due to a leg amputation from diabetes, leaving her isolated and despondent.
These individuals no longer felt valued or visible. Their struggle was profoundly characterized by the term “mattering”—the need to be acknowledged, valued, and relied upon—a concept explored in depth by the late Professor Morris Rosenberg of the University of Maryland.
Professor Rosenberg’s research initially focused on adolescent boys, distinguishing those labeled as delinquent from their peers by their perceived lack of significance. He and his students expanded their studies to include homelessness, while my students and I developed scales to measure mattering, discovering that adult learners who felt insignificant were more likely to drop out of university.
The desire to matter might just be the key to a fulfilling retirement. With an estimated 4.1 million people planning to retire in 2025, and according to the National Council on Aging, 80% of them will encounter financial or emotional crises, it’s crucial that we address how to make retirees feel valued.
Engage and Connect
Begin by questioning how you can enhance your feelings of significance. Here are a few suggestions:
1.Participate and remain active. Due to my unmet expectations, I decided to delve into and understand the challenges faced by many retirees. I facilitated focus groups in mobile home parks and retirement communities, and with personnel from several prominent organizations. Meanwhile, a member of the group I led chose to relocate to a mobile home park known for fostering community ties and volunteered at the Senior Friendship Center.
2.Forge new relationships. A recent widow mentioned that her married friends stopped including her. A friend advised her to initiate social gatherings by hosting dinner parties or inviting other couples to join her for movies.
3. Show appreciation. Take a moment to thank someone for their assistance, offer a compliment, or acknowledge their efforts. These small acts can make others feel appreciated and enhance your own sense of purpose.
5. Assist others who struggle with feeling significant, by offering support. When a therapist heard about Myrtle May’s depression, she persuaded a local hospital to share contact information of recently discharged patients with May, who then provided them with telephone support to manage their health concerns.
Review Your Psychological Investments
It’s vital to evaluate your psychological state just as you would review your financial status with an advisor or your physical health during an annual check-up.
When I spoke with a former CFO of a major corporation about his retirement, he emphasized, “Retirement feels empty. I may have a million-dollar pension, a secretary, and an office, but I lack influence.”
To regain his sense of importance, he needs to concentrate on his psychological well-being, including his identity (who am I without my job title), his purpose (what excites me now), and his evolving relationships with family, friends, and former colleagues.
Explore New Directions for Your Life
From numerous interviews, I have identified six paths that can enhance one’s sense of mattering. You can mix these paths and adapt them as your life changes. Ask yourself, “do I see myself as a”:
Continuer: Someone who adapts their lifelong work in a new, albeit related, direction. For instance, a professional in gerontology could continue their passion by volunteering at a senior center.
Adventurer: Embarking on a completely new career path, such as an advertising executive who transitions into a museum docent role.
Easy Glider: Approaching each day without a fixed schedule, relishing the freedom to explore various interests.
Involved Spectator: Maintaining a connection to your former field as a keen observer rather than an active participant, similar to a retired museum director who immerses themselves in the art scene.
Searcher: Actively seeking out what to do next, experimenting with different activities and roles.
Retreater: Temporarily stepping back to reflect and rejuvenate, ensuring it doesn’t lead to a sedentary lifestyle.
Continually Reassess Your Journey — For a Satisfying Retirement
Retirement represents a significant transition. As you shift from being an employee to a retiree, you’ll find some relationships fading while others, with family, friends, and former colleagues, may take on new importance as you adjust your daily routines and perspectives.
As noted by Forbes, retirees could live an additional 20 to 30 years. Throughout these years, you may experience phases of feeling valued, then not, and back again.
With each challenge, revisit your retirement strategies and reevaluate your chosen path. Remembering your worth will help you retire contentedly and happily.
Nancy K. Schlossberg, Professor Emerita, University of Maryland and author of Revitalizing Retirement: Reshaping Your Identity, Relationships and Purpose.
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Passionate about analyzing economic markets, Alice M. Carter joined THE NORTHERN FORUM with a mission: to make financial concepts accessible to everyone. With over 10 years of experience in economic journalism, she specializes in global economic trends and US financial policies. She firmly believes that a better understanding of the economy is the key to a more informed future.